TINSELTOWN

BETSY SKOTCH

So, I didn't get any responses to last week's poll about whether Lady Gaga is a man or a woman. I just assumed that the question has everyone absolutely stumped, because it never really crossed my mind that you all might not care about Lady Gaga's parts.

Since you're all so stumped, here's an interesting tidbit. Gaga went on an Australian radio show this past week, and the hosts asked her flat out what's going on down there. Instead of answering, all she said is, "That question is beneath me." Which is answer enough to say yes, she's a total hermaphrodite.

As for your weekly Lindsay Lohan crazy, I guess that Playboy is offering Lindsay Lohan a million dollars to pose nude, but who the heck knows WHY. I mean, who really wants to see that? And besides, after all of the drunken nights that she's had, and schizo moments where she thinks she's Marilyn Monroe, we've already seen more of Lindsay than I bet we'd see in Playboy. In fact, I believe we've seen more of Linds than her gyno has...

I need to quit talking about people like Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag, but as long as they keep doing idiotic things, I really don't have a choice.

This time, it's Spencer rather than Heidi. He's trying to get his name legally changed to King, apparently because "England has a queen, so the U.S. needs a King."

Seriously, doesn't NASA need some chimps to send up into space for some kind of experimental thing? I can think of the perfect two candidates for this venture...

K-Fed is the new Britney, like pink is the new black. (really, I have no idea what this season's black is...) Now that Britt-Britt is back in shape, it's Kev-o that looks like he just devoured both kids and all of the Starbucks on the west coast. I'm getting a little nervous about his health.

Hopefully this tidbit isn't true, because it'd destroy my whole view on humanity. As you know, DJ AM died last Friday in his New York City apartment. Ex-fiance and my favorite celeb, Nicole Richie, was said to be extremely broken up over news of AM's death... so upset, in fact, that friends were concerned that she'd go into premature labor.

This apparently sparked an argument between Richie and current Beau Joel Madden. Joel got mad at Nikki, demanding to know if she was still in love with DJ AM.

Well, uhm, hello. Her ex-fiance DIED. I'd be a little upset, too, I believe anyone would. So, hopefully this whole argument was just a crock meant for the tabloids. Otherwise, boo to you, Joelly dear.

I guess that Salma Hayek flipped out at Chateau Marmont restaurant this past week because she couldn't get a table, even though she didn't have a reservation. Salma, babe, you're just not popular enough. No one cares who you are.

Betsy Skotch, on the other hand, could just LOOK at Chateau Marmont and they'd immediately clear four tables. I'm more popular that Salma, for sure.

Finally, I couldn't think of a better spokesperson for the "I'm against tattoos" foundation, but Kelly Osborne has stepped up to the plate on this one. She has reportedly been urging teenagers to not get tattoos, because she was drunk and stupid when she got the majority of hers, and now she hates them. Let's all just hope that there are not too many drunk 15 year olds out there, getting tattoos. I mean, I was seventeen and only a little tipsy when I got my four. That's the way to go.

Until next time, dolls, xoxo.

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