“The most completely lost of all days is that on which one has not laughed.”
There is nothing that makes us smile quite like a good story. I trust you enjoy these.
Fried Chicken: Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was and I said, “Fried chicken.” She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher may be a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why and I said because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal’s office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don’t understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired the most. I told her, “Colonel Sanders.” Guess where I am now.
The First Tie: At a clearance sale, the wife of a federal district court judge found a green tie she knew her husband would like. Soon after while the couple was vacationing, to get his mind off a rather complicated cocaine conspiracy case, he noticed a small, round disk sewn into the design of the tie. The judge showed it to a local FBI agent, who was equally suspicious that it might be a “bug” planted by the conspiracy defendants. The agent sent the device to FBI headquarters in Washington, D.C., for analysis.
Two weeks later, the judge phoned the Washington office to learn the results of their tests. “We’re not sure where the disc came from,” the FBI told him, “but we discovered that when you press it, it plays ‘Jingle Bells.’”
The Second Tie: A guy walking in the desert desperately needed water. As he followed the dunes, he came upon another man riding a camel. He asked the man if he had something to drink.
The man on the camel said, “No, but if you like I have a nice selection of ties. Would you like to buy one?”
“No,” the first man replied. “Are you crazy? I need something to drink, not a tie.”
So the man on the camel rode on and the walking man continued on his slow thirsty trek for several days. Finally he came upon a cantina. He gratefully approached the doorman of the cantina and said, “I’m so glad I made it. Can I get in and get some water?”
The doorman frowned at him, “Not without a tie.”
The Accountant: Fresh out of business school, a young man answered a want ad for an accountant. His interview was with a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.
“I need someone with an accounting degree,” the man said, “but mainly, I’m looking for someone to do my worrying for me.”
“Excuse me?” the accountant said.
“I worry about a lot of things,” the man said, “but I don’t want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back.”
“I see,” the accountant said. “And how much does the job pay?”
“I’ll start you at $100,000.”
“At $100,000!” the accountant exclaimed. “How can such a small business afford a sum like that?”
“That,” the owner said, “is your first worry.”
The intention of this essay was to make you laugh. We all need to laugh. I hope it worked.
Think about it.
Dr. Don Meyer is the president ofValley Forge Christian College, Phoenixville.
Responses can be emailed to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Official page: Facebook.com/DrDonMeyer